Squirrel Brigade Halts City Council Meeting Over Acorn Zoning Dispute

ARLINGTON, VA – Chaos erupted at City Hall yesterday as the regular City Council meeting was unexpectedly adjourned when a coordinated "Squirrel Brigade" infiltrated the building, carrying signs and chattering loudly in protest.

The incident, which witnesses described as "utterly baffling but strangely organized," began at approximately 3:00 PM during a presentation on the new municipal park revitalization plan. A group of roughly two dozen Eastern Gray Squirrels—some reportedly wearing miniature, hand-stitched vests—scampered into the chamber. Their apparent grievance? A new proposed ordinance that would restrict the planting of certain nut-bearing trees in public green spaces, effectively limiting their winter caching sites.

Councilwoman Eleanor Vance (Ward 3) was quoted as saying, "I initially thought it was a prank, but then they started aggressively organizing the loose change on the floor into what looked like little barricades. One of them actually snatched Mayor Thompson's gavel and tried to bury it in a potted plant."

The self-proclaimed "Brigade" leader, an especially large squirrel nicknamed "Nutso" by a security guard, allegedly stood atop the Council dais and issued a series of high-pitched chirps and tail flicks that were interpreted by a nearby—and presumably confused—pigeon as a demand for a "re-zone on all historical acorn rights."

The meeting was officially postponed after Animal Control was unable to safely apprehend the furry protesters, who retreated in an orderly fashion into the ventilation system. City Council is expected to meet next week to address the park plan, possibly with a new, strictly enforced "no nuts" policy for attendees.